Oh yeah baby…ooh…..ouch!
Not really the kind of sexy sounds you and your partner want to hear in the bedroom.
Have you ever had painful sex?
You’re not alone. While it is not uncommon, it isn’t normal and you don’t have to live with it! (Unless you like it #50ShadesofGrey)
Unwanted pain during sex not only ruins the moment with your loved one. It can have greater, long-term consequences – you may end up developing a fear of sex, lower sex drive, and an overall loss of intimacy. This can be a major relationship dampener!
Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. And when something is wrong, you don’t just close your eyes and *ahem* ride it out! Take a step back and try to figure out what’s happening. If you’ve been told things like “it’s all in your head” or “it happens to everyone”, that’s a load of hogwash!
Pain is real, no matter what the cause, and whether or not it can be seen physically.
Here are 5 reasons for painful sex and how you can fix it:
Painful Sex Reason #1: Lack of lube
Lubrication is a must when it comes to having sex. While you and your partner may be raring to go, women generally are slower to get aroused than men. If you’re not sufficiently lubricated, penetration is obviously going to be painful. It’s like trying to stuff a turkey!
Vaginal tissues don’t become lubricated enough for penetration for 5 to 7 minutes after your brain is already in the zone. So taking the time to get heated up (read: foreplay) is key.
How you can fix it: FOREPLAY! And have a tube of lube ready within reach. Having to use it doesn’t mean you are any less able. In fact, you may not need it most of the time, but having it on stand-by simply means you don’t have to hit pause mid-action to look for it —and ruining the moment.
Painful Sex Reason #2: Stress
Many of us juggle a full time job, social activities, and family duties. It can be stressful, and sometimes, you end up taking that tension to bed with you. Relaxation is an essential ingredient in feeling ready for sex. If you have a lot on your mind, it will be very difficult to feel sexy and be interested in sex.
How you can fix it: De-stress from your busy day before getting busy in the bedroom. Everyone has their ‘buttons’ for getting into the mood. One of the best ways is to give each other massages. The rub downs help ease tensed muscles and if you do a skin-on-skin massage, we guarantee that the kinkiness will kick in sooner than later! If massages aren’t your thing, there are other ways to clear your mind and help you relax. It can be a warm bath, going for a yoga class or even cooking a meal. Find what best suits you and you’re already one step closer!
Painful Sex Reason #3: Genital infections
Not a pleasant topic, but if you’re sexually active and not in an exclusive relationship, it is infinitely more important to practice safe sex. This includes getting tested for any STDs. Genital infections can make sex uncomfortable. Common ones are are: genital herpes, yeast infections and trichomoniasis. Don’t wait for the symptoms to show up – some women can feel completely healthy and yet have small changes in their vulva or vagina that can contribute to pain.
How you can fix it: First, don’t panic! Most genital infections are easily managed or even curable, and the tests are simple. The most important thing is to make an appointment to see your doctor ASAP and get tested. Always be honest with your doctor. The more the doctor knows, the more they can help you.
Painful Sex Reason #4: Endometriosis
Endometriosis is a condition where the tissue that lines the uterus starts growing in other areas. It affects quite a lot of women and unfortunately, this condition can lead to pain during vaginal penetration. For some women who suffer from endometriosis, the pain experienced during sex can be really intolerable. Another common indicator to having endometriosis is having very painful periods.
How you can fix it: If you suspect that you could be suffering from endometriosis, make an appointment with your gynaecologist and get a conclusive diagnosis. Surgery may be required to identify the source of pain, which in turn will help you manage it.
Painful Sex Reason #5: Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
Sex and poop – again, if this isn’t your thing, they don’t really go…hand-in-hand. IBS symptoms include intestinal cramping, constipation, and/or diarrhoea – all of which can contribute to uncomfortable sex.
How you can fix it: There are several ways to reduce symptoms, such as changing your diet, medication, stress reduction and even, behavioural therapy. Speak to your doctor and keep a diary to keep track of what foods “trigger” you.
By Ann Lee.
Read also: PCOS: What is it & Do You Have it?
Acne, bloating, and cramps are not “part and parcel of being a woman”. Check out our guide on PCOS here!